phpBB.com Conspiracy Theories

[ckwalsh]

No, don't bother posting "It's just to try and load test phpBB3". Why is the server REALLY down? Be creative!

My Theory:
Bertie was upset because phpBB3 was going slowly, so joined forces with Mickey Mouse and put gum in the hard disks.

[Brf]

The Internet Gods are upset it is taking so long for phpBB3 to be released, so they are attempting to destroy phpBB2 to force the issue.

[Lastof]

They are having trouble with the copy of phpBB3 that they have been running on there for the last six months.

Lets start at the beginning, around six months ago they installed phpBB3 there, rather than two, but using a custom template and with all the new features disabled, to hide that fact from us.

However, during their update this weekend from beta5 to RC1, they realised too late that they had major issues with the b5 => RC1. Unfortunatly, SHS`, who was updating the site, had been so busy having a beer party (like a tea party, but, with pints) with his large collection of Bertie Bears, and had forgotten to make a backup before hand.

So, they are having to frantically work on a script to fix the error they made in converting. Which, of course, is taking a long time since they are also having to do lots of bugfixes to submit to the cvs to keep our attention away from this fact.

[beatme101]

They were practicing football with a big industrial sized magnet near the servers, but nobody was good at catching or throwing.

[Rotsblok]

Supposedly the usa thought that phpBB.com was housing some weapons of mass destruction so they send in a battalion of marines to harvest them before Iran would get a hand on them. But they didn't thought about a beer defending the servers. When Bertie saw he was outnumbered he then pushed the auto self destructed button to prevent American influences on the phpBB3 development.

[Govnor]

I reckon there were a couple of guys on the grassy knoll who fired at the servers through the window. Bertie is just a patsy!

[Freitag]

Supposedly the usa thought that phpBB.com was housing some weapons of mass destruction so they send in a battalion of marines to harvest them before Iran would get a hand on them. But they didn't thought about a beer defending the servers. When Bertie saw he was outnumbered he then pushed the auto self destructed button to prevent American influences on the phpBB3 development.

I think if you have a beer defending your server then the results are obvious!

Unless is was Google that used their recent hard drive study to determine just what kind of disk access is required to kill a drive and wanted to test their electronic weapon of mass destruction (eWMD) in a live fire demonstration.

[Amezis]

The Impossible Mission Force, which happens to be the phpBB team, managed to mess up their last mission, and the bad guys came to IMF's headquarters (which hosts phpBB, evidently) and shot all the servers with miniguns. Of course, they were caught (killed), and now phpBB team faces a new impossible mission: to restore the data that was destroyed.

[Lastof]

I think if you have a beer defending your server then the results are obvious!

Yes, using beer to protect a server is insane.

A bear, less insane. But, furry paws aren't very good at hard drive repair.

[sambeckett]

Well my post about this got Locked, which it makes me think I was right.

#1 reason: to make money from http://www.phpbb.com/ads/adclick.php?n=afcb2f11 (the main page Advertisement)
#2 reason: to force people to load test 3.0
#3 reason: to peak peoples interest on the Bears, so next time they sell them they make mega $$$